Where to start? Things are getting a bit rougher here. The husband is drinking quite a bit, and making snide comments often. He's even been reviewing the web history to see what I've been looking up on-line. Each day I seem to grow a little more weary and yet, a little more determined to move ahead with the divorce.

I should do more homework, but I am taking a break. I am taking my trashy romance novel and taking a steaming hot bubble bath. There's something sensuous about a bubble bath. Remember when you ran my bath? Then you added the bubbles and called my name, telling me it was ready. I got in and bathed, you helped me shave(you know), and washed my hair. Hmmmmm...

Then you rubbed me down with the towel, drying me. Then... oh no, my bad, that was Fantasy Man.

Balance and complications

I bought a book yesterday. Should I be reading random books? No, I should not. I should be studying in all my spare time. I should be writing papers and trying to figure out what it is college professors are talking about. But I bought a book, a trashy historical romance novel. The kind of read that makes you excited and ready, dreamy and a little out of breath.

Why do we love these books? Is it because the lead man in them reminds us of our husbands? No. Is it because sex that is described in detail is the kind of sex we're having? No. Is it because we want to be married to that guy in the book and have some of that great sex that ALWAYS results in at least one orgasm? Yes.

The leading man in all historical romance novels is pretty much the same. He's confident, to the point of arrogant. In the beginning of the story, he's the enemy of the leading lady. She doesn't like him at all. He irks her or infuriates her. Then, somehow, someway, she has to rely on him for something even though she hates him. Or for the good of her family she has to depend on him to take care of her. Sometimes she is humiliated because of this dependence, but not to worry, over time she loves him with her entire being.

I remember reading a book like this years ago, in high school. I forget the title though. My friend recommended it to me. Her cousin gave it to her. I passed it along to another friend. It was about a group of Indians that kidnapped a group of women. Of course, the leading man was the chief's son. He was built. He was independantly wealthy. He spoke English. The woman he took hated him and wanted to escape, but then he was such a good man, she fell in love with him. I remember him saying to someone that he didn't want to break her spirit, but he wanted her to learn self-control. Ahhhhhh... lol

We want that guy. That's Fantasy Man. We want the guy that doesn't want to break our spirits or take pieces of us a little at a time until we're not sure who we are anymore. That's a great quality to have in Fantasy Man. Another great quality he has is that he isn't going to accept disrespect towards him or self-defeating behavior from 'his woman'.

Does that guy really exist? Would we really want that guy if we had the chance to have him? I'm not sure. Like so many things in life, it's complicated. We all have varying fantasies. But seriously, do we know anyone who ends up with that guy? My friend, Beth, that I loaned the book to, had the boyfriend with the black leather jacket. He had homemade tattoos and had already been to juvie. He drank quite a bit.

What happened to that book that we loved and recommended to our friends? Well, Beth's boyfriend came to her house, he'd been drinking and wanted to fight. He tore up the book. Was he jealous of Fantasy Man? I don't know. He was hot in that leather jacket, though.

I have to find a balance between studying/homework and reading for fun. Balance is important. We have to find balance between fantasy and reality. We must keep working on this, and keep moving on...