putting on pants even when you don't feel like it

I have a cold and a very sore throat. It is days like this that I don't feel like moving on. It is days like these that I don't feel like I can change the world.(sorry Asia, normally Days Like These is a theme song of mine) Today is a day when I want to stay in bed and have hot tea brought to me, or maybe just someone who notices I am sick. I'm tired of being tough, and "wearing the pants". I want to be held and cry, and be told everything will be alright.

I don't want to be held by my husband though. OK, that sounds bad, doesn't it? Yesterday, I was getting ready for church, and he said, "It's Sunday. Can't we at least hug?" I said nothing but gave him a side hug. He said, "It feels so good just to be touched by you." It was an awkward hug. I am an awkward hugger anyway. lol

I said nothing to him though. It was quick, but it wasn't painless. I felt resentment and was sickened by his touch. My mind went to a poem I have read by Ruth Eisennberg about Jocasta and Laius(the parents of Oedipus). One line speaks of her husband's touch after all they'd been through. It was this:

Her husband's arm a bent dry stick.

Anyway, I'm better now. Time to put on my pants and get on with my day.