truckers and stereotyping in general

Truckers seem to be manly. What does manly mean exactly? Does manly mean being strong and confident? Or does it mean you chew tobacco and swallow the juice and wear red suspenders everywhere you go? That would depend on the trucker.

Wow. I was just thinking of what I should talk about next and I had a flashback of when I was 16. I was 'in love' with a trucker. Was I in love with a trucker? No.I guess not. But I truly believe that was the closest I have been to being in love. He was older than me. Obviously. We had sex a few times. I was soooo naive. He made me anxious. I actually shook when I was around him. Especially when we were about to have sex. I remember shaking and he asked me if I was nervous. I said, "No. Just a little cold." Did he know I was lying? Of course he did. He was very experienced. I was not. If we were skiers, I would be on the bunny slope and he would have been an Olympic skier. If we were car drivers, I would have been in the bumper cars at the county fair and he would have been a Nascar race car driver.

His trucker handle was... "Donkey". Hmmm... He was confident, very confident. He was strong. He looked good. He was manly. He didn't wear suspenders or trucker hats or chew tobacco. He excited me. He taught me many things. Lots of things. lol Sometimes he was an ass, but I think that was because he didn't want me to think we were going to have a 'happily ever after'.

He seemed like such a stud, a take charge kind of guy. Is that why I'm still fantasizing about truckers and take charge kind of guys? Gosh. See, fantasy IS better than reality. You know why? Because now he's married and he's a wimp. Well, that's my opinion anyway. But maybe he isn't such a strong confident person with his wife because she isn't sixteen and naive. From the outside looking in, he isn't so confident now. I've really only seen them together about 4 times. I am friends with his sister though and she tells me things. His wife decides everything. He's depressed and unhappy.

Why aren't they happy? Why am I not happy in my relationship? Here's the thing: to be happy, I think we need someone who loves and understands us, even accepts us. That does not mean, however, that we agree with everything our partner thinks or says. When one partner gives up too much of themselves to the other person, life loses some of the spark. The reality of dire straights is never pretty. What happened to the fantasy where life was going to be wonderful?

What happens when our fantasies and dreams never happen? Langston Hughes wrote different poems about dreams. One he simply calls Dreams. It is this:

Dreams

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

What happens to our dreams? Better yet, what happens to us when we stop dreaming? I believe we begin to atrophy. We should believe in hope. Hope in truckers,no, maybe not. Hope in individuals that can make our fantasies a reality seems like a much better plan. And hope that somewhere there are couples who figure this out.