"gunning for a fight"

I was truly gunning for a fight tonight. Not a fistfight or a duel with pistols at high noon, but an argument. My family is making me angry. Well, not all of them, but my older brother especially is. He has been talking smack about me. To my face? No. Behind my back? Indeed.

I can't tell him that he's a __________, because then he would know that someone told me what he said. So, I called him, invited him to something that I'm having in March. Something major. Something important. He said he'd try to come, etc... word word word.

I was waiting for him to say something harsh or out of the way. I was very calm. I was going to calmly tell him off. But I didn't get the chance. I was so disappointed about that. He thinks I am a bad person because I am going to get a divorce. He is an ____. He's judgemental and mean. Well, behind my back, anyway.

I talked to a friend tonight. I told her I wanted to have an affair and drink beer. Affairs are never a good thing to put on the agenda, I know. But it would be an escape. What are my escapes now? Food and self-induced orgasms. That's not a really healthy combination either. When I am alone, I have several orgasms. When I am around others, I eat. I'm not going to have an affair, btw. I was just ranting.

I sometimes wonder if I am a nymphomaniac. I have some of the symptoms.